How to destroy a Jewish state
A guide for the perplexed.
So, you want to destroy a Jewish state! For whatever reason, you don’t merely want to criticize the Jewish state or make life better for people under its control — you just want it gone.
You’re not alone! Whether you’re a good old-fashioned white supremacist, an Islamic theocrat, a progressive activist, or just an amateur Israel-hater, the idea of destroying a Jewish state gets people excited in a way that calling for the end of Turkey, New Zealand, or China simply doesn’t.
But while many people try to destroy Jewish states, very few succeed. How can you stop talking about it, and actually do it?
I’m here to help.
To destroy a Jewish state, you need to start by understanding Jews. Peculiarly enough, Jews dislike being killed and persecuted. I know mistreating Jews may be fun — it sure is popular! — but unfortunately it makes Jews more likely to build and develop Jewish states.
So, to prevent or dismantle Jewish states, try treating Jews like human beings.
Preventing Jewish states
Preventing a problem is easier than curing it. Here are some ways to prevent Jewish states:
- Avoid blaming Jews for killing God. God is popular. So if you spread the rumor that the Jews murdered God, people might start killing Jews. After a certain amount of killing, the Jews might start wanting their own state. Uh oh!
- Avoid making Jews second-class citizens. Be cautious about systematically oppressing Jews, especially for centuries at a time. Something about centuries of oppression tends to increase Jews’ desire to live in their own state.
- Avoid exterminating Jews. This one cannot be overstated. Jews really don’t like being exterminated. If you round them up by the millions and exterminate them, the survivors might go make their own state. Whoops!
Destroying Jewish states
But what if you’re reading this after you’ve already accused Jews of deicide and persecuted/exterminated them, and now they’ve gone and created a state for themselves? This can be tricky, because by now the Jews might be wary — and armed.
Remember, Jews like to not be killed and oppressed, so if you find yourself living near Jews outside the Jewish state, you can still at least try to keep them from supporting the Jewish state by treating them humanely.
Specifically:
- Avoid expelling all Jews from your country. It might feel nice to beat Jews in the street, seize all their property, and kick them out of your country, but what if everyone else is doing the same thing? Once a Jewish state exists, it can be a tempting refuge. (Also, avoid stripping Jews of citizenship, because then it’s even harder for them to live in non-Jewish states.)
- Avoid blaming Jews for your country’s problems. If you embrace wacky conspiracy theories about Jews, like “they’re behind all wars” or “they drink the blood of children,” they might start to feel unsafe, and go to the Jewish state. This makes the Jewish state bigger, not smaller. Beware.
- Stick up for Jews under attack. If Jews are being shot, punched, and tortured to death in your country, speak out on their behalf. This will help Jews in your country feel safe, and they will be less likely to want to live in a Jewish state. (A common pitfall here is sticking up for Jews only when they’re attacked by people you don’t like. For best results, condemn all violence against Jews.)
I know this is a lot to keep track of! And unfortunately, I can’t guarantee that this approach will always work. Like Ukrainians, Swedes, and Pakistanis, some Jews just want to live in their own state, period, and won’t be talked out of it.
But if you follow the steps above, you can at least minimize the number and size of Jewish states on the planet, bringing you one step closer to white/Islamic domination or a socialist utopia. Good luck!
